What to Do When Your Boundaries Are Violated
Setting boundaries is one thing, but what happens when someone completely disregards them? It’s frustrating, disheartening, and sometimes even infuriating. No matter how clearly you express them, some people treat boundaries like a suggestion rather than a rule. So, what should you do when someone steamrolls right over them? Let’s break it down.
How to Recognize When Your Boundary Has Been Violated
Sometimes, boundary violations are glaringly obvious. You explicitly say, “Please don’t comment on my body,” yet Aunt Karen chimes in with, “You’d look better if you lost a few kilos.” Excuse me, ma’am? That’s a violation.
Other times, it’s more subtle. Maybe a friend “jokes” about something you’ve asked them not to discuss, or your boss keeps piling on extra work despite you stating your workload is at full capacity.
The biggest red flag? That gut feeling—frustration, resentment, or that internal scream of I told you not to do that! Recognizing these violations early prevents resentment from building and helps you set the tone for future interactions.
What to Do When Someone Ignores Your Boundary
If someone disregards your boundary, your response matters. The goal is to respond, not react. Take a deep breath—seriously, we don’t need to go from zero to rage in three seconds—and then address it directly.
Here are a few ways to do this:
“Hey, I want to remind you that I already asked for [X]. It’s important to me.”
“I don’t find that funny. Please don’t bring it up again.”
“I can’t take on extra work right now. I’ve already communicated my limits.”
Keep it simple, clear, and firm—no room for debate. And if you’re worried about sounding mean, that’s your good girl conditioning speaking. In my course, The Good Girl’s Liberation Guide, I help women break free from the guilt of enforcing boundaries so they can stand their ground with confidence.
The Power of Body Language When Setting Boundaries
You can say all the right things, but if your tone is shaky, your voice is uncertain, or you avoid eye contact, people might push back. Confidence matters.
Keep your tone firm and steady.
Maintain eye contact.
Keep your statement short and clear.
The more powerful your boundary sounds, the more likely it will be respected.
When They STILL Don’t Respect It
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, people continue to push your limits. That’s when enforcement becomes essential. A boundary without consequences is just a suggestion.
Here’s how you can enforce your boundaries:
Limit contact with those who refuse to respect you.
Opt out of situations where your boundaries are ignored.
Call it out again, but firmer: “I’ve already asked you not to do that. If it happens again, I’ll need to step away from this conversation.”
For work-related issues, document your requests and escalate if needed.
Holding firm on your boundaries is life-changing. In The Good Girl’s Liberation Guide, I walk you through the exact scripts, strategies, and mindset shifts needed to do this without second-guessing yourself.
Why People Violate Boundaries & How to Handle It
Understanding why people push your limits can help you navigate these situations.
Some people genuinely don’t realize they’re overstepping. If you’ve never voiced your discomfort before, they may not know their behavior is problematic.
Others are testing you. They want to see if they can manipulate you or guilt-trip you into making exceptions.
If you’ve been a people-pleaser, setting boundaries can ruffle feathers. Some people won’t like the new you—and that’s okay. Having a support system and sticking to your boundaries is key to making this transition successfully.
Self-Care After Setting a Boundary
Boundary violations can leave you feeling drained, angry, or doubtful. After handling a situation, take time to process and care for yourself.
Try these self-care steps:
Affirm your decision. Repeat: “I am allowed to set boundaries, and I did the right thing.”
Check in with your body. Feeling tense? Take a deep breath, stretch, or go for a walk.
Celebrate the win. Even if the other person reacts badly, you stood up for yourself—and that’s a big deal!
Final Thoughts
Setting and enforcing boundaries is a skill, and like any skill, it gets easier with practice. If you need support, The Good Girl’s Liberation Guide is here to help you navigate this journey without guilt or fear.
If this post resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it! And if you’re ready to master boundary-setting, check out my course. Let’s break free from the good girl conditioning together.
Got thoughts? DM me—I’d love to hear how this landed for you!