Why Your Boundaries Aren’t Working (And What to Do About It)
Let’s rip the Band-Aid off, shall we?
One of the biggest reasons your boundaries aren’t working isn’t because you’re saying the wrong words—it’s because deep down, you don’t believe you deserve them.
That might feel harsh, but if your boundaries constantly get pushed, ignored, or negotiated down, it’s time to ask yourself this:
Do I actually believe I’m worthy of being heard, respected, and honoured in this way?
Here’s the truth most “how to set boundaries” advice skips:
You can’t enforce a boundary if, on a soul-deep level, you’re still asking, Who am I to ask for this?
Why Self-Worth Matters More Than Scripts
When you’re not grounded in self-worth, your boundaries become performance art.
You say the right thing, but your tone, energy, and body language whisper: “Please don’t be mad at me for asking this.”
That energy? It’s palpable. And the people on the receiving end feel it—even if they can’t name it.
It’s not enough to know what to say. You need to believe you’re allowed to say it.
Why So Many Women Struggle With Feeling “Too Much”
If you’ve ever been called:
“Too needy”
“Too emotional”
“Too much”
Or told your standards are too high…
Let me lovingly say: you’re not too much. You’re asking for what you need. And not everyone is equipped to give it to you—that doesn’t make you wrong.
You’re not needy. You’re human. And humans have needs.
But if you grew up around women (or people) who constantly put themselves last, who apologised for taking up space, who called themselves “low maintenance” as a badge of honour—you probably learned that having needs was an inconvenience.
And you’ve been carrying that into your relationships ever since.
A Question To Sit With
This week, I want you to ask yourself:
Do I truly feel like I deserve to be setting these boundaries?
If the answer is no, pause.
Don’t judge yourself. Don’t try to change it yet.
Just name it.
Ask yourself: Where did this belief come from?
A parent? A partner? A teacher? That girl in Year 8 who made you feel like you weren’t worth standing up for?
Name it. Bring it into the light.
And leave it there.
Next week on the podcast, we’ll dive deep into selfish vs selfless boundaries, and how to balance them without guilt.
Ready to start having the conversations that actually change things?
👉🏼 Grab the paid guide: Words That Work – Conversation Starters That Change Everything
This isn’t just fluff—it’s a $39 powerhouse guide with practical, no-fluff scripts to help you:
Set boundaries that actually stick
Say no without sounding like a jerk
Handle difficult conversations with more confidence and less stress
See you next Wednesday at 7AM 💬 - Your Boundary Bestie podcast - Spotify and Apple Podcasts