How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Like a Bitch: Reframing the Way You Say No
When most women hear the word boundaries, they tense up.
It sounds hard. Confrontational. Like you’re about to cause a scene. But here’s the truth: you’re probably setting boundaries all the time—and not even realising it.
Saying “no onions, thanks” on your sandwich? Boundary.
Not picking up a call because you’re busy? Boundary.
Taking a step back when someone’s standing too close? Yep—also a boundary.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that boundaries are these huge, dramatic, drawn-out confrontations. But they don’t have to be. You don’t need a 30-day challenge or a personality transplant to start. In fact, if you’re reading this, you’ve already got what it takes.
Here’s how to make it feel way less scary—and a whole lot more empowering:
✨ 1. Boundaries Are Just Preferences
Start seeing boundaries the same way you see food orders. “No onions, please” doesn’t feel mean. It’s just what you like.
Emotional boundaries are the same thing. “That doesn’t work for me” is just helpful info you’re giving someone about your needs.
✨ 2. Stop Explaining Your No
“No” is a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone an essay, an apology, or a list of justifications.
Practice saying it clean and clear:
“No, thanks.”
“I won’t be able to make it.”
“That’s not going to work for me.”
The more you do it, the less guilt you’ll feel. Promise.
✨ 3. It’s Only Awkward If You Make It Awkward
Setting a boundary with someone new? Keep it simple. Be clear, be kind, move on.
You don’t need to overcompensate or pre-apologise. Say it once, say it calmly, and leave space for the other person to respond.
✨ 4. Delivery > Drama
How you say it matters more than what you say. You can be firm and soft.
Try this:
“That doesn’t work for me.” (warm, neutral tone)
Versus:“That doesn’t work for me!” (defensive, sharp tone)
Same words, totally different vibe.
✨ 5. Try This Journal Prompt:
Where could I start setting an easy boundary this week—and how can I say it in a way that still feels like me?
Is it with a coworker, your partner, your mum?
Remember: you're not being mean—you're just being honest.
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You don’t have to become someone else to hold a boundary. You just have to start where you are.
Next week, we’ll go deeper into why boundaries don’t have to be scary—and how to keep setting them without the emotional hangover. Catch you then 💥