When Silence Speaks Loudly — Breaking the Overthinking Spiral
Have you ever caught yourself spiralling into a full-blown anxiety episode… because someone didn’t text back? Or maybe it was a full stop in a message instead of an emoji. A glance that felt a little off. A vague “k.” response. Suddenly your brain is in full detective mode, crafting an entire narrative that — spoiler alert — no one else is participating in.
This is what happens when we interpret silence through the lens of anxiety.
Silence Feels Like a Threat (Even When It's Not)
When communication gaps appear, your nervous system panics. It scans for danger, reaching for any clue to make sense of the quiet. For those of us with a history of anxiety, trauma, or even just inconsistent communication growing up, silence isn't neutral — it feels unsafe.
And so the brain does what it knows best: it fills in the blanks with fear.
“She must be angry.”
“He's definitely ghosting me.”
“I said too much.”
“I’ve ruined everything.”
Sound familiar?
Real Life Spirals: Magic Mushrooms in Bologna
I once ordered spaghetti bolognese in Italy and convinced myself the mushrooms were magic mushrooms — as in, psychedelic, drug-trip, hallucination-inducing mushrooms. Why? No logic. Just anxious thinking in overdrive. I’d convinced myself something was wrong, even though nothing had actually happened.
This is how powerful the mind is when there’s a void of communication — it invents chaos.
The Problem With Assumptions
The danger here is that we begin reacting to stories that don’t even exist. We withdraw. We lash out. We spiral. And worse still, we might become the person creating gaps for someone else — sending mixed signals or pulling away, unintentionally triggering their own spirals.
That’s how miscommunication becomes the silent killer of relationships.
How to Break the Spiral:
1. Notice the Story
Ask yourself:
“What am I making this mean?”
Is this story grounded in fact, or is it an anxious assumption?
2. Get Curious, Not Conclusive
Before locking into fear, try asking:
“What else could be true?”
Maybe the one-word reply just means they’re tired. Or busy. Or, like my mushroom moment, maybe the thing I’m fearing isn’t dangerous — just unfamiliar.
3. Communicate Imperfectly
It doesn't need to be a perfectly worded TED Talk. Try something like:
“Hey, I noticed [insert observation]. Is everything okay?”
Even a simple check-in helps bring clarity to the quiet.
Let the silence be space, not punishment.
Final Thought: Your Mind Is Loud When Your Voice Is Quiet
You don’t have to keep living in the stories your anxiety writes. Take your power back by rewriting the narrative. Start small. Speak up. Get curious. Communicate — even messily. And always remember: the gap isn’t as scary as your brain is making it out to be.