Why Setting Boundaries Doesn’t Make You a B**ch
Let’s talk about something that so many of us struggle with: setting boundaries without feeling like a horrible person.
I was chatting with a friend recently who found herself in a tough situation. She knew she needed to set a boundary but didn’t know how to execute it without feeling mean. Now, this friend of mine is an absolute gem—kind, funny, and a self-proclaimed people pleaser. But she’s at that point in life where saying yes all the time just isn’t sustainable anymore.
As we talked through her situation, it became clear where she needed to set a boundary and what that should look like. And when I helped her craft the words to say, she had a lightbulb moment: “Wow, that was so much nicer than I thought it was going to be.”
So many of us think setting a boundary automatically makes us cold, selfish, or even a “bitch.” But that’s just not true. And I want to break down why we feel this way and how you can start setting boundaries without guilt.
Why We Struggle with Boundaries
It all comes down to conditioning. We were raised to be agreeable, to accommodate others, and to avoid conflict at all costs. We’ve been taught that being a “good person” means saying yes, making sure everyone else is comfortable—even at the expense of our own well-being.
But here’s the problem: when you continuously say yes when you actually mean no, you start sacrificing yourself. You overextend, you burn out, and then—resentment creeps in. It’s a vicious cycle.
Society has tricked us into believing that setting a boundary is selfish when in reality, neglecting yourself is selfish. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t show up fully for others if you’re constantly running on empty.
Boundaries Are Just Clarity
A boundary isn’t mean—it’s just clear. And because we’ve been conditioned to see clarity as confrontational, we assume boundaries are rude. But they’re not.
Let’s debunk some common myths about boundaries:
❌ Setting a boundary is selfish. ✔️ Nope. Taking care of yourself is responsible.
❌ Boundaries push people away. ✔️ Healthy boundaries actually create stronger, more sustainable relationships.
❌ If someone gets upset, the boundary must be wrong. ✔️ Their feelings are theirs to manage. Your job is to take care of yourself.
If someone gets upset about your boundary, it’s often because they benefited from your lack of one. And that’s not your problem to fix.
How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Like a Bitch
Here are a few quick shifts that will make setting boundaries easier and less guilt-inducing:
1. Ditch the Apology
You don’t need to start with “I’m so sorry, but…” No is a complete sentence. Try: “I won’t be able to do that.” or “That doesn’t work for me.” No apologies necessary.
2. Use “I” Statements
Instead of saying, “You always make me stay late,” try, “I need to be more mindful of my schedule, so I won’t be staying late anymore.” This removes blame and makes it easier for the other person to accept.
3. Keep It Simple
You don’t need to over-explain. The more words you use, the more room you leave for pushback. A short and direct response is best.
4. Expect Pushback
Some people won’t like your boundaries—especially if they’ve benefited from your lack of them. That’s their issue, not yours. Stand firm.
Your Challenge This Week
I want you to find one area in your life where you need a boundary. Maybe it’s with work, family, friends, or even yourself. And I want you to set it. Even if it feels uncomfortable. Even if it scares you.
If you need a little help figuring out where your boundaries are slipping, I’ve got you! Take my free Are You a Good Girl? quiz to uncover your patterns and start taking back your power.
And if this post hit home, share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Tag me on Instagram so I can cheer you on!
You deserve peace. You deserve clarity. And you deserve to live life on your terms. 💛