What Are Boundaries? Stop People-Pleasing and Start Living Authentically
Let’s dive into a question that’s on everyone’s mind: what actually are boundaries? It’s become such a buzzword lately, but so many of us don’t truly understand what it means. Spoiler alert—it’s not just a fancy excuse to cancel plans at the last minute (though it totally can be).
The Truth About Boundaries
Boundaries are the foundation of a happy, healthy, and authentic life. They’re like invisible fences that protect your energy, emotions, time, and personal space. Picture this: your life is a beautiful garden. Inside the garden are all the things you value and cherish. Boundaries are the fences that keep the weeds (aka stress, overwhelm, and negativity) out.
Busting Common Myths About Boundaries
A lot of people think boundaries are about controlling others. Not true! Boundaries are about YOU—what you’ll allow in your life and what you won’t. Think of them as doors with locks: you decide who gets access and on what terms.
The 5 Key Types of Boundaries
Chances are, you’re already setting some boundaries without even realising it. Here are five types to focus on:
1. Physical Boundaries
These involve your personal space, privacy, and physical comfort.
Example: “I love you, but please ask before hugging me.”
2. Emotional Boundaries
These protect your feelings and prevent you from absorbing others’ emotions.
Example: Not taking responsibility for someone else’s mood.
3. Time Boundaries
Your time is precious. Setting limits around work, socialising, and rest is essential.
Example: “No, I can’t stay late at work again this week.”
4. Mental Boundaries
These guard your thoughts, beliefs, and values.
Example: Knowing it’s okay to disagree with someone without changing your stance.
5. Material Boundaries
These involve your belongings, finances, and possessions.
Example: “Sorry, I can’t lend out my car indefinitely.”
Why Boundaries Feel So Hard
Here’s the thing: society has conditioned us—especially women—to put everyone else first. We’ve been taught that saying no is rude, and we fear rejection or disappointing others.
But here’s the truth: boundaries aren’t mean; they’re clear. Respect starts with YOU. When you set boundaries, you’re sending a message that you value yourself—and others will follow suit.
4 Simple Tips for Setting Boundaries
1️⃣ Start Small
Begin with low-stakes situations, like asking your barista to remake your coffee if it’s wrong.
2️⃣ Use “I” Statements
Focus on your needs. For example: “I need some alone time,” instead of “You never give me space.”
3️⃣ Be Consistent
Expect pushback, but stay firm. Boundaries take practice.
4️⃣ Practice Saying No
“No” is a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Listen to Your Gut
Pay attention to what drains you. If you’re constantly feeling resentful or exhausted, it’s a sign a boundary is needed.
Take the First Step
Setting boundaries is hard, but it’s the ultimate act of self-respect and self-love. You’re not just protecting your peace—you’re reclaiming your power.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into boundary-setting and ditch people-pleasing for good, check out The Good Girls Liberation Guide. It’s your roadmap to living confidently and unapologetically.
Let’s make 2024 the year you put yourself first. You’ve got this, Bestie!
If you found this helpful, share it with a friend or leave a comment below! Let’s build a world where women own their worth.
Much love always xx